It Takes a Village

A day in the life: dishes, cook, clean counters, more dishes, sweep, clean floors, pick up clothes, do laundry, wipe chairs, pick up toys, pick up toys, pick up toys, wipe the toilets, do more laundry, go back to cooking, clean the kitchen, wipe hands, face, snot, change diapers, ugh! gotta wipe the toilets again (boys).... and this is often in the space of just one hour.  I cannot neglect to help with piano practice, homework, and chauffeur the kids all over town for various after-school activities, appointments, and errands. Oh, and then there are the weekly chores: cleaning bathrooms, dusting, vacuuming, lawn work, garbage detail, grocery shopping etc. I can’t get sick, feel grumpy, or just be a little off -- chores would multiply. A child-free doctor’s appointment is a lucky break. Yoga and coffee is an indulgence. I never thought I would say this but, I am an accidental housewife.

I realize that housework is not difficult, thoughtful, or changing the world. The days of arguing briefs and persuading a jury for the right cause are in the past. I negotiate with little people now. Instead of the “smoking gun” document; m&m’s and popsicles are my secret weapon. I was chatting with a friend who mentioned an interesting after school activity that would be great for my kids. But I just don’t have any more time!  I wonder how moms get anything done with a job outside the home?? Frankly, I need a village, or maybe just another....“wife.” Hmmmmm.....

Polygamy is the generic term for marriage to more than one spouse at the same time. Most think of polygamy as marriage of one man to several women, but this is actually called polygyny. The more rare type of polygamy is polyandry where one woman marries several men. Now that sounds like hard work. Life would not get any easier.

Okay, I’m not really contemplating “Big Love” here. (M, don’t get any “BIG” ideas....) I just need an extra pair of hands so I can branch out a little, be at two places at once, or just get an intermission, without guilt. Hiring someone to occasionally clean the house doesn't quite fit the bill or fill the “gap.” Putting aside the obvious problematic “sleeping” arrangements, I don’t think I would be fantasizing about “sister wives” if more familial help were around.

The whole problem is really our fault. My husband and I like to travel. Before children, we didn’t mind moving around and suffered from a touch of wanderlust. Ultimately, we chose to live in this town because we like it here, and there was a job here. Family in Orlando and New York was only a two hour plane ride away -- didn’t seem so far at the time. Generations ago people lived with or very near their parents, uncles, aunts, and grandparents. Families didn’t move around so much. The world was smaller, and jobs were more easily found. Everyone helped each other, and helped raise each other’s kids. This extended or joint family unit is still common in many Asian, Middle Eastern, and African countries -- other far away lands. In this country, however, it would not only be unusual to live with family under the same roof; but it would be seen as “strange” and in the kindest way, provincial.

I am not sure that the western nuclear family got it right.  Being too nuclear can be difficult, even lonely. We moms (and dads) need a break.  I would love to have some family guidance and help around -- not in the same house, mind you, but nearby. Wouldn't it be nice just to call mom and say: “I need a hand today, can you take the kids?” or “Lets have dinner together tonight, how about your place?” No pressure mom and dad...but Durham is a nice town to live in. (Hint, Hint)