Yin Yang in Chinese science and philosophy is used to describe seemingly contrary yet interconnected forces. I stay at home. My husband works. This has both been an advantage for our family, but also an occasional source of conflict in our relationship. M and I don’t argue or bicker really, we don’t “fight” about anything; but sometimes we have a “disconnect” in our appreciation for each other’s current “roles.” I carry the “homemaker,’ “housewife” title; M carries the burden of being the sole “bread-winner.” This can be the origin of a great deal of stress for him -- especially when things at work are not optimal. At any job there are times of transition and change, bosses come and go, work pressures increase and decrease, sometimes the future is unsure; especially in today’s market. My husband is great at handling these situations without complaint or discontent, but sometimes the damn breaks....flooding our home with dissatisfaction. What can I do when I feel so helpless to help?
My first reaction during these times of restlessness is my “go to” mode of: “Don’t worry, everything will work out.” This is my attempt at contrived ignorance. No nonsense, just a hope for the best. I realize this is not what my husband wants to hear when he needs my empathy and support. When it comes to stressful situations, sometimes my “nurturing” personality gene goes dormant. It should be effortless, especially when M is so caring and loving. Is it just me? Shouldn’t “nurturing” be easy for a housewife, a homemaker, a mother? Sometimes, I just feel nurtured-out.
Yin yang are not opposing forces, but complementary opposites: hidden (feminine) and manifest (masculine). These forces interact in a dynamic system, one does not exist without the other, just as light cannot exist without darkness. My husband and I have much in common, but many differences that set us apart. He is confident, I am cautious. He is forward-thinking, I have been known to get caught up in the past. M enjoys occasional risk-taking, “prudent” could be my middle name. He is sentimental, me? not so much -- I could easily forget our anniversary. And yet we are both responsible, adventurous, thoughtful, passionate, and very, very silly -- even goofy. Together we can analyze a situation into paralysis; but we know how to laugh about it too. We really love a good laugh. Predictable, unpredictable. Hot, cold. Spicy, sweet. Serious, playful -- Who’s who?, it doesn't even matter. We play all the roles at different times. The list could go on and on. Add it all up, mix in little bit of nerdy (okay, a lot of nerdy) and you get...a love affair, with ups, downs, and turn arounds.
I am not sure if it was our commonalities or differences that got us together, but it is undeniably both that keep our interest. This is why I feel so lucky in our partnership. We revolve around each other like Yin and Yang; cultivating balance in our lives but more importantly, in ourselves. It is a long process, one that we haven’t even begun to realize. Despite all of this, when work needs to be done, when the children are running around screaming “I’m hungry!,” and dishes can’t wait; taking the time to appreciate our partners can be hard. I must pause...take a moment to recognize and admire my spouse -- acknowledge and enjoy my children -- but never forget to nurture myself too.
While K and I are a ways out from having kids (IF we decide that route), we still have a "family crush" on you guys. I have worked with dozens of families over the years and you two have to be one of the coolest couples who actually parent their children. I've seen parents maintain their individual personas/lives but at the sacrifice of genuine, consistent parenting. I've also seen parents who seem to have put their own desires and selves aside to fully assume the "PARENT" role, which I think is just as sad. We have always loved how silly, laid back, yet genuine and involved you and M are in your lives and with your boys. Add a thriving relationship between you two and we're smitten - we could only hope to stay as centered 10-12 years from now.
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