Please, stop yelling! I yell to my three year old. Please stop whining, I whine to my seven year old. Many years ago, I saw a child behavioral “expert” on television say that parents should ignore the bad behavior and reward the good stuff. But honestly, how long can I ignore my kids as they fight over the blue Lego man, pulling and poking at each other, screaming at the top of their lungs “where’s my Whalie!!” -- “right where you left him under the pillow, smooshed by the hamper!”... “What! where mama! where!” --- I sigh, “please, stop yelling...” Okay, this is getting ridiculous. My husband reminds me that I am yelling and whining at them. Really ?!?...only if he could hear them all day long. Remember the “go to” phrase of the 80’s “just do it?” Lately, my "go to" phrase has been “just get over it...”
Did I create this? Is it my fault? Motherhood is a long lesson in exercising patience. My “lack of patience” is probably one of my biggest shortcomings (among many). When I am ready to go, I forget that my kids need an extra 5 minutes to transition. When I tell them to clean up, I get frustrated when they haven’t stopped playing 10 minutes later. When the meltdown over the lost game piece occurs, I say, “we can play something else.... just get over it.” I fear I’m not always the best role model for my children.
A few weeks ago I complained to my very thoughtful mother-in-law (who happens to be a therapist) about some issues regarding my son. She recommended some “light” reading regarding child behavioral theories. As I go through these books, I try not to berate myself for doing all the wrong things. Have I irreparably damaged my childrens' psyche with my “just get over it” attitude? I give my kids so much encouragement, so much endless love....why is my patience so short?
In one particular book, Keeping Your Child in Mind, something struck a chord: “Being understood by the person we love is one of our most powerful yearnings...” Of course. Isn't that what I want the most too? So now I aspire to make that my new mantra. Avoiding my children’s wails and whines hasn't provoked sudden change, and I suspect never will. Instead of ignoring behavior I don’t like; I need to get up close and personal to them, strive to understand the problem, and find peaceful resolutions that brings smiles instead of frowns. Easier said than done. I suppose I should tell myself -- “Just do it!” It is never too late.
Did I create this? Is it my fault? Motherhood is a long lesson in exercising patience. My “lack of patience” is probably one of my biggest shortcomings (among many). When I am ready to go, I forget that my kids need an extra 5 minutes to transition. When I tell them to clean up, I get frustrated when they haven’t stopped playing 10 minutes later. When the meltdown over the lost game piece occurs, I say, “we can play something else.... just get over it.” I fear I’m not always the best role model for my children.
A few weeks ago I complained to my very thoughtful mother-in-law (who happens to be a therapist) about some issues regarding my son. She recommended some “light” reading regarding child behavioral theories. As I go through these books, I try not to berate myself for doing all the wrong things. Have I irreparably damaged my childrens' psyche with my “just get over it” attitude? I give my kids so much encouragement, so much endless love....why is my patience so short?
In one particular book, Keeping Your Child in Mind, something struck a chord: “Being understood by the person we love is one of our most powerful yearnings...” Of course. Isn't that what I want the most too? So now I aspire to make that my new mantra. Avoiding my children’s wails and whines hasn't provoked sudden change, and I suspect never will. Instead of ignoring behavior I don’t like; I need to get up close and personal to them, strive to understand the problem, and find peaceful resolutions that brings smiles instead of frowns. Easier said than done. I suppose I should tell myself -- “Just do it!” It is never too late.
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